The Cultured Seed

WHEN REALITY HITS, ITS A MUTHA!

Have you ever stopped to evaluate your life and come to the conclusion that this MUST be some kind of a nightmare? You’re like, “hurry up, pinch me quick, or rather kick me in the face, just do something! because I have GOT to wake up from this crazy dream”. But when you “come-to” you realize that this is no dream, this is your life. You know, real Twilight-zone-ish. I’ve been having that kind of a month. I just find myself humming Kanye repeatedly… “OH WHEN IT ALL, IT ALL FALLS DOWN…”

The truth is, I have fallen off my game–my home-life is a train wreck, I haven’t excercised once all month, the drive-thru has become a frequently visited friend, my desk is covered in unopened junk mail (and some pretty important mail too, but who knows), my homework is late, and I haven’t written a post in weeks. I have had to literally yank myself out of my funk by my own shirt collar daily and slap on a smile to keep going. Why? Because I have two kids, and I can’t afford to be overwhelmed or unproductive or depressed.

Let’s face it. We all knew I was a crazy person when I applied to grad school being 8 months pregnant. My family thought I was a cookoo bird for launching a business shortly after delivering a baby. And now, I am totally off my rocker for trying to do it all single-mama status! With two kids under the age of 3, work, grad school, a new website could I have picked a better time to go through a divorce?! The “ish” is real folks.  Certainly makes me take a double look at my “LOA” (aka. law of attraction)!

I set out to be a good wife, mother, employee, friend, etc., etc., etc., and have kind of managed to botch everything up – well not everything really but it sometimes feels like that. I saw a preview for a new movie that kind of summed it all up. The soon to be released “I Don’t Know How She Does It” with our beloved Sarah Jessica Parker. I sat there thinking, well damn if they didn’t get that one right!! If you haven’t heard about it yet, check out the trailer.

So what now?? Blank slate. New set of markers. 30 years worth of inspiration. Recurring glimpses of my innate and unique genius. Hundreds of years of collective wisdom to draw from. An undying will to prevail, change the world, grow myself and these two miracles. We got this! I’m going to be OK. The babies will be OK. We will all be OK.

We make choices in our lives that may not turn out the way we expected, but they don’t define who we are at the soul level – today’s Daily Om is all about that (Check out “You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do” . My girls (and awesome coaches) Abby & Jaime alway say that it comes down to LOVE, and that love starts with ourselves. Sometimes it means loving ourselves enough to say “this doesn’t work for me anymore”.

So I look forward with an open heart and make a daily practice of standing in unwavering love, regardless of my surroundings. I will teach my children that they are whole, complete and perfectly loved, regardless of their circumstances and the labels that will be imposed to explain our family structure.

I am on the brink of a new era in my life. An era where I create my culture. Isn’t that what I preach anyway? I may draw from things that I have learned over my life but I am learning to zero in on what truly resonates with my core, you know those things that move you forward – even if they are painful. Every time I get in the car Katy Perry seems to be on, just to remind me to ignite my light.

How bright are you shining these days? Is your light fully turned on or are you just moving through the motions? Have you managed to come out on the other side with some insights to share? Leave a comment and let us know.